My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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