omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
