The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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