I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
