This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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