do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
