last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
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