Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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