I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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