I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
