Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
