I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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