I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Randomize
