He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
It's official drugs can't kill me
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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