So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
she told me i tasted like america
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
