Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
