How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
