I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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