My sheets look like a crime scene.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
kristin has been a bad kristin
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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