Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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