My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
