I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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