you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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