You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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