:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
