oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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