Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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