i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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