I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
