If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
