You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
