The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
