i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
