first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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