You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
