Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
