Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
