Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
