I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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