I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
