You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The uberlube is also flammable
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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