I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Randomize
