five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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