Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
