I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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