I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
