Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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