When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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