It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
