we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
