Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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