the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
