Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Randomize
