I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
